LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING FOR WOMEN

My Story

Almost 8 years ago, on a warm Spring day, I married the man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life

We had a huge wedding with a DJ, a 9 piece band, a silent disco; I wore the big white dress, did a speech, and partied til the birds starting singing

Back then I was your typical “boss girl” – I worked hard and I played harder. I came across as the super-together, some people would say intimidating, TV Executive.

I had the Gucci handbags, botoxed face, was living the London dream

STARTING A FAMILY

A few months after the wedding, I was ready to give up the party lifestyle and have a baby. I’d ticked everything else off the list:

☑️ the career

☑️ the husband

☑️ the house with a loft conversion

But when I discovered there were problems with my fertility, life began to implode. Trying to get pregnant began to consume my every thought. Obsessionally tracking my cycle, weeing on ovulation sticks, counting the days down to when I could take a test, praying my period wouldn’t come. Everything else in my life I’d worked hard for and achieved, but not being able to conceive left me feeling totally out of control.

And I started spiralling…

THE WORST THING

I didn’t know how to process what was happening to me, I was useless at feeling my emotions and I hated crying, so instead of feeling the grief, I ran away from it…

I started partying more, drinking more, taking more drugs. I became *even* more obsessed with the gym and controlling my calories.

And then the worst thing happened…

I betrayed my husband.

It didn’t make sense, I loved him, how could I do this? I felt like the worst person in the world. The guilt, anxiety and shame overwhelmed me. All I wanted to do was forget what I’d done, but I couldn’t.

Regularly I would find myself in a heap on the bathroom floor quietly trying to stop myself from having a panic attack so he didn’t know anything was wrong.

My heart was broken, I had done it to myself and now I had to suffer. When I told him, everything imploded and although we spent a year trying to save our marriage with weekly couples therapy, our own therapists and my coach, we couldn’t make it work and we faced the devastating end of that 10 year chapter.

At the time I never thought I’d smile again, it felt like my world had ended. But now looking back, I can see that was the best outcome for us both.

Before this happened I was totally disconnected from myself. I was rigid, a perfectionist, needed to be in control, no-one could get close to me. I looked for external validation from men, avoided conflict and had zero boundaries

And if that nuclear bomb hadn’t gone off in my marriage, and forced me to look at myself, I’d probably still be in the same place – going through life numb and living for the party at the weekend.

This was a wake up call, I couldn’t run from myself anymore.

Everything that I thought was an issue with my ex – his lack of emotional availability, his distance, his difficulty to love – was a mirror to my own issues. The barriers I had built to love, were being reflected right back to me by my own husband.

Betrayal in a relationship is a symptom of deeper issues, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. The person who cheats is outcast in society as being the worst person in the world. And I am not denying it really is the most painful thing you can do to someone.

But when these things happen, whatever side you’re on it’s an invitation to look deeper at what are the underlying issues that led you/them there

My ex and I had concocted the perfect storm based on the barriers we had built inside of ourselves to love

He doesn’t blame me for the end of our relationship and I have finally forgiven myself (which took a lot of healing, and a lot of self-compassion).

But now I can look back at that version of me and know I was doing the best I knew how with the knowledge I had at the time

And it’s true what they say

“Hurt people, hurt people”

The best thing I ever did was look at myself and my patterns in love.

Since then I have learnt what it means to be vulnerable and I can allow myself to be held by a man. I have learnt how to navigate the most difficult of conversations so that I no longer need to run from the problem and instead face it head on.

And because of this, the depth of love I get to experience with my new partner Adam, the connection, the aliveness, the passion is beyond my wildest imagination.

A betrayal is a wake up call – it is an invitation to look at what is blocking you from the emotionally intimate, safe love you desire, whichever side of the coin you are on.

Even if you find yourself as the mistress over and over again, that is showing you something.

So if you’re looking to break this cycle once and for all

And be able to trust men/yourself again, my 1:1 work can help you.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship or dating, I am here to help you to heal and remove whatever barriers you’ve built within you, standing in your way of healthy love

I know what it takes to create a partnership beyond the patterns and the pain of the past. In one session I can help you see the root of the pain that is keeping you stuck in the love loop

I have walked this path, and I am so ready to hold your hand as you walk it too

Book Your FREE 45-Minute Discovery Call

Let’s begin your journey to healthy, meaningful, passionate love in a FREE, no obligation Discovery call. In this session I will be able to understand your biggest challenges, your past experience and where you are at currently so that we can see if we are a good fit to work together and create a personalised coaching plan for you to get closer to the love you truly desire.

BOOK MY CALL